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“Too smart.”

(The subject of this biography would like to point out that this was the only written description on file that was at a PG rating. She would also like to point out that whoever wrote this in her grade 9 health class was probably an idiot.)

Born in a remote part of Eastern Canada, in the Maritimes, thus explaining her strange accent and ability to strike up a conversation with anyone, Schuyler Lola faded into unremarkable beginnings thereafter.

Until she decided reality was much too boring. She created an alias (meaning really, she would rather die than have her real name be this) and started typing away.

We are afraid we will have to pry her dead fingers from a keyboard.

Affectionately dubbed Lola by her friends (a word which means stalkers) at OLC, she has embarked on a journey of fanfiction. This has called her sanity into question. In response to this, Lola issued a statement: “Look, I’m just trying to make a living. Okay? Okay?”

Since she receives no profit from her writings, her sanity was ruled non-existent by her cohorts at OLC. They also took into account the fact that she was a high school student at the time – currently, she attends a small but prestigious university in the Maritimes that she suspects is actually the site of a cult – as well as the fact she may have been on a root beer overdose.

Lola credits many different aspects of her life with inspiration. She relies heavily on the television shows, “Gilmore Girls,” “NUMB3RS,” and “House, MD.” When she is locked up in a writing mood, she listens to several genres of music, including her favourite artists: Manu Chao, Basshunter, Modest Mouse, Carly Simon, Coldplay, Nirvana, the Clash, Lemon Demon and Enrique Iglesias. The last being a guilty pleasure, of course.

An avid reader by nature, Lola has developed a very high pages per minute count. She also has an extensive collection of books, most of which reside in her bedroom at her parents' house. She cried when splitting her books up. An unfortunate potential side affect of her ravenous appetite for books is her astoundingly poor eyesight. She has resigned herself to being the modern day coke bottle glasses girl, but swears on the brilliance of contacts.

(The subject of this biography would like to notify any contact lens manufacturers of her willingness to endorse them. And she would cost way less than say, a celebrity.)

Sadly, it is believed that Lola’s penchant for wearing crazy nail polish and taking too many advanced courses is impeding her writing time. However, she promises that she will finish all of her stories, dammit. And…start new ones, though she hasn't done so in more than a year and apologizes profusely, not that this statement will give her long-absent muse a big fat kick out of hiding.

This would explain her periodic updates. These are usually typed up under the influence of chocolate and Froot Loops. She apologizes. She is starting a form of detox. She will be updating under the influence of chicken bones (she adores Ganong’s) and root beer jellybeans.

Lola would like to thank all of her friends at OLC. For all the reasons.

And she’s still looking for that idiot from grade 9.

Friends (16):

Friend of (15):